The “Nearly Impossible” Leadership Problem

The “Nearly Impossible” Leadership Problem

Last week, I came clean and confessed that sometimes…ideas can get the best of me. Ideas can be a BIG distraction. Overthinking. Being stuck in a never-ending “idea loop” and never taking action. In that scenario, your ideas are leading you – leaving you exhausted, unfulfilled and with no results. It’s true: sometimes, I am undisciplined with my ideas. But, sometimes, I stand up and lead my ideas through a system. A framework that gives me peace of mind, a sense of fulfillment and that helps me produce positive results in my life. What does that even mean? Moving from “idea” to “reality” takes leadership. If you want to see your idea succeed, it takes YOU leading YOURSELF (and eventually OTHERS) to make it happen. I said that to a coaching client once, and he immediately replied, “That’s IMPOSSIBLE!” Well, it can be very difficult…maybe nearly impossible to lead yourself. And, to be frank, if you haven’t been able to lead yourself successfully before, you will probably need some help to develop self-leadership skills. But, it’s not impossible. So, what does it mean to lead my ideas? It means: I take ownership for my ideas.  I don’t expect others to be more invested in my idea than I am. I don’t let my ideas lead me. I lead my ideas. I ruthlessly ignore ideas that don’t serve me. (Seriously, I’m a total jerk to my own toxic ideas: GET OUT OF MY LIFE, TOXIC IDEA!) I write interesting ideas down or use voice memos on my phone to capture them. Immediately. Because they will FLY away if I don’t! I schedule time...
My One Night Stand (A Full Confession)

My One Night Stand (A Full Confession)

With a headline like that, I’ll get straight to the point: Ashamed is how you feel in the morning. Or at least that’s how I felt. Can’t-look-myself-in-the-mirror-ashamed. And despite the awful shame, it happens again and again. It starts innocently enough: An adventurous glint in my eye, a pep in my step, The seed planted deep within my mind, nothing else will satisfy… I rush impatiently through my “regular” work and chores and errands. Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes days, but it always happens the same.  Sooner or later, I can wait no longer. The pull becomes too great. Everything else pales in comparison to the singular fulfillment of this one desire: I HAVE A SHINY, NEW IDEA! Bolstered by sheer will-power and determination, I start out confidently, thinking I know exactly how this love affair with a new idea is going to go: “Why, hello there, Idea. Ready to change the world?” But this Idea is not so easily tamed. After one or two rough nights of unmet expectations, I awake in the morning – bleary eyed and ashamed – and slip back into my “regular” life. Leaving the idea behind without so much as a phone number. I try to pretend it never happened. Have you ever had a great – I mean lightning-bolt-great – idea? Maybe while driving? Maybe in the shower? Maybe in those moments just before you fully wake up in the morning? Ever felt that idea slipping through your fingers the moment you do a little research and find a similar (or identical) idea already out there? Has an idea even broken your...
How My Friend Prepared Us For Her Death

How My Friend Prepared Us For Her Death

  Last week, I was scrolling through my Facebook News Feed, passing time while my husband drove us to our son’s karate practice & belt promotion ceremony. Without warning, I landed on a status update that didn’t make any sense.  It was a death announcement on a dear friend’s Facebook wall. She had died just hours before. Normally, I would have kept it together and waited until my husband wasn’t driving to tell my family this news. Normally. But, this was so shocking! So unexpected. My husband and I know this family well. I shared the news immediately and we were all in disbelief. I learned that she had been in the hospital since Monday of that week. I didn’t know. In the days since her passing, I’ve reconnected with friends we had in common that I haven’t talked to in a long time. While all of us were shocked and saddened, it is astounding how so many of us seem to know exactly what she would want. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my friend lived her life in a way that, in many ways, prepared us for her death – in the best way possible. She lived out clear values and boundaries that are surprisingly comforting even without her here. Here are the lessons my friend taught with her life that unintentionally prepared us to grieve her death: Look to God to Meet Your Needs She was a strong, independent woman, a wife, mother and minister. But despite her many responsibilities, her source of strength, love and peace came from one source – God. She...
But, How Will I Get It All Done?

But, How Will I Get It All Done?

  So, you’ve set some goals or you have a great idea! You’re excited about making this new idea happen. Maybe you want to: lose weight get organized be smarter with your money get a new job launch a new business take your business to the next level You start of with great intentions and lots of momentum. Then regular life happens and days turn to weeks and you realize you haven’t made any progress toward your new goal or idea. It still excites you. It’s still something you want, but there is literally no time to work on it. As a small business owner, wife and mom of 4 kids, I totally understand how this happens. Here’s the thing: it’s actually normal. In fact, most people don’t succeed. The amount of change that’s required to accomplish new goals or to make a new idea into reality takes a lot of effort. But, some people do manage to accomplish their goals and ideas. It is possible. So where do you start? 1. EVALUATE YOUR PLATE Taking on something new doesn’t mean that regular life goes away. Get honest with yourself about your current responsibilities and the scope of the new idea you’d like to make happen. Don’t do this in your head; write it all out on paper. Make sure you get everything. It is common for us to overlook or forget about certain responsibilities if you’ve been doing them for a long time. Keep a journal for a week to see exactly how you’re spending your time. 2. DECIDE WHAT STAYS – AND WHAT GOES  Taking on something new takes effort and focus....
The Good Right Now

The Good Right Now

  Sometimes (particularly after streaming a historical/period movie or series on my flat screen TV from the coziness of my warm couch), I daydream about how much better life must have been in the “good old days.” You know, those good old days before we had to worry about work at the speed of light, a thousand daily distractions and parent-guilt? The simpler times when we grew our own food, we rallied together when we were in crisis and had perfect hair all the time? Ok, that last part might be Hollywood. The rest must be true, right? I am as guilty as the next person as romanticizing the “good old days,” pining away for a simpler time. Or maybe, for you, the future is your daydream of choice: a bright and shiny day when things are finally humming, when technology stops creating problems as fast is it solves them, when everyone gets along and you finally feel fulfillment from your work and life. The truth is, at any given point in history or the future – things aren’t perfect. By only imagining the good stuff, we create a version of the past or the future that makes for great fiction, but it simply isn’t real. What’s more, measuring our current lives against that fantasy isn’t fair. For every romanticized ending, there were an untold number of struggles we simply didn’t see or don’t appreciate because we haven’t lived through them. What’s real is your right now. You may be facing problems, but you will get through them. Life may not be what you expected it to be, but you’re not done with life yet. What matters is whether or not you are...
“So, What Do You Do?”

“So, What Do You Do?”

  No matter how much you’ve actually accomplished in life, there is no test quite so unnerving as responding to the simple question: “So, what do you do?” This is a simple pleasantry, a social platitude, really. It’s an efficient way to “get to know” someone better. But, implied in this question is a measurement of sorts — of your professional, financial and even social standing. We can bring a lot of anxiety into the process of answering: What if I don’t meet the expectations of the person asking? What if I’m not interesting enough? What if I’m not important enough? What if I’m not good enough? Too often we give an underwhelming response or we feel so insecure, we underplay what we can bring to the conversation. But, here’s the big secret: The person asking probably doesn’t care 10% as much as you do about how you answer. The person asking you this question is most likely just being polite while, deep down, trying to figure out 1 of 2 things: Whether or not you can advance them in some way. How long until you’re done talking so they can get back to talking about themselves. Instead of feeling anxious or inadequate about your answer, become a master conversationalist by giving the asker what he/she really wants – the opportunity to continue focusing on themselves. Here’s my #1 tip to wiggle out of the anxiety-inducing small talk cycle: Answer quickly with something low-key and respond, “And, what do you do?” All attention about the specifics of “what you do” will be forgotten – no anxiety or feelings of inadequacy needed! But, wait – being forgotten isn’t the goal,...

The BIG Problem with Gratitude

                November is here! It’s sure to be full of everything we’ve come to know and love about the month: even more pumpkin culturally irrelevant graphic and interior design (does anyone actually relate to cornucopias?) The BEST HOLIDAY (Thanksgiving!) Facebook feeds and blogs overrun with “gratitude” and “thankfulness” posts. The driving idea behind these posts are absolutely wonderful. Many of us do get caught up in our relatively small troubles and forget to “count our blessings.” I’ve spent more than 25 years looking for the positive things for which to be thankful, even in some pretty awful circumstances. One example comes to mind. In 2008, my husband was deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Our four kids ranged between the ages of 2 and 8 that year. I was working full time. It was an incredibly stressful year. The kids missed their dad (as did I) and sometimes the smallest, most mundane thing would become the catalyst for a meltdown (for them or me). One day, in a moment of total frustration and exhaustion, I asked (maybe ordered?) them to tell me things they were thankful for. That went over like a lead balloon and resulted in that wide-eyed “uh-oh-Mom’s-upset-about-something” stare. I took a deep breath, apologized for my anger and said something to the effect of: “Can you just tell me at least one positive thing? Let’s make it a game. Finish the sentence: ‘At least _____.’ I’ll go first, “At least it’s not raining!” And so was born the Clark Family “At Least Game.” My sniffling kids all took...

The Mess Under My Toilet

“Can someone please explain why there’s a broken plate behind the toilet?” We can safely add this to the list of questions I never thought I’d ask. As a busy wife, mom of 4 kids, and business owner, sometimes little things slip between the cracks. Little things like cleaning the extra bathroom. When I finally did get around to it, I found the shattered remains of a salad plate under the toilet. After some professional mom interrogating, I discovered that one of my kids thought it would make a nice base for a candle. When it inevitably fell and broke, said child swept it behind the toilet because he “couldn’t find the dust pan” and forgot it was there. Isn’t life a lot like this sometimes? Things are going well and then – BAM – things get messy. Maybe: Things don’t go as planned. Someone isn’t on board. Someone lets us down. We miss the mark. Emotional messes. Unresolved conflict. Disappointments. We have messes at home, messes at work, messes with friends and family. At first, it doesn’t seem like too much to handle. We deal with it as best we can and move on. But, after a while, we get tired of dealing with messes. We don’t want to take the time to find the dust pan – there’s too much other stuff to do! We need to live in the moment, people! So, we stop cleaning up messes and just sweep things up as best we can, pushing a pile of dirt behind the figurative “toilet” in our soul and moving on. Eventually, we run out of places...

5 Signs You’re on a Winning Team

My last post covered 5 signs you’re on a losing team. Well, I don’t know anyone who wants to be on a losing team. The opposite of a losing team is a winning team. Many refer to these as “High-Performance teams.” Working on a high-performance team, or a team that consistently outperforms expectations, is an incredible experience. Achieving results is not the only awesome thing about working on a high-performance team. There is something fantastic about actually enjoying the team you work with. The work gets done, but you actually want to be there. You’re excited to work with these people. So, how do you know if you’re on a winning team? Here are 5 Signs You’re on a Winning Team: Feel It: People are Authentically Valued – when you join a high-performance team, you are welcomed. You may not understand exactly what you’re going to be doing, but you’ll know you are a part of a team. People treat each other with respect. When people have conflict or disagreement, people are ultimately valued over ego, hierarchy or “cliques.” See It: Culture of Clarity – high-performance teams have a lot of clarity about what they are working to achieve (vision) and why they are working to achieve it (motive). The details of how things get done (strategy) may change from time to time, but there are a set of very clear outcomes that the team understands it is working toward those outcomes together. Hear It: Speak The Same Language – building on the culture of clarity, high-performance teams are not just “engaged,” they are highly invested in working toward the same desired outcome. They speak...
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